I allowed misery to soothe
what should never have been soothed
the back of my chest where all
the bits of hope and anger fell
and there I was kept, still. But heavy.
Heavy like mud when snow melts
over the earth, leaving the world
less colorful, I thought God
was hiding somewhere post-ice,
post-December, I waited but patience
left me alone in a hospital chair, watching
her die, and still, I waited.
I realized the sun does not always shine
in the South, it’s tricky and tedious
to watch yourself grow old, and when
you realize you smile without showing
teeth anymore, you move on.
I will be alone with you.
I don’t know how
or perhaps I am incapable
of keeping you close.